i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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