im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
