dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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