Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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