umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize