garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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