i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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