I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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