I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
