Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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