break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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