Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
