I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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