I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
