I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
