If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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