Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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