there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
