The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
