you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
