Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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