Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
