Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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