Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
His nipple licking is glorious
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