Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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