I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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