Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
