we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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