RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
