this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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