I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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