Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
