If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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