please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
