careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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