i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize