There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
