so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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