no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
