And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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