Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
