If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize