She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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