Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
