I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
