This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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