who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
