You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
