i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
