Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
