I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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