he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
