i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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