i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize