we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
