whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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