After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize