the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
