I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
