WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
someone owes me an orgasm
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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