Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize