That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize