you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
