The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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