Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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