she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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