He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
