Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
