I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
