News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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