he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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