you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
